Month: April 2014

I’M MOVING!

GUESS WHAT?

I just bought redhotrosaline.com!

Yes, I got a domain name!

WOOHOOOO!!!

So, to all my subscribers: I’m going to attempt to transfer over my subscribers to the new site. However, this may not work. Just in case, go subscribe to me on my new site: redhotrosaline.com!!

This new site is super cool for multiple reasons:

1. It’s easier to type in the URL!

2. It looks more professional!

3. If I so desire, I can now have advertising and affiliate links! (I may likely do this, since it costs $72 a year for the domain and hosting.)

4. It’s just cooler!

So GO SUBSCRIBE!

And by the way, thanks so much to all of y’all for reading and supporting me in my blogging adventures. I truly appreciate it!

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Sex Ed #6: How to Introduce Sex Toys into a Relationship

A lot of people want to add sex toys to their sexy time with a partner, but worried that they will be intimidated by it. Here’s a guide/a few tips to help you out.

Talk with your partner about sex toys.
This works best if you and your partner have open communication with each other. It’s also a good idea to talk outside of the bedroom (or wherever you get it on). If you have sex toys already, tell your partner. You can bring it up in conversation somehow. If you’re thinking about getting one, talk to your partner about that. There’s different things you can say depending on what kind of toy you want to get and what you want to use it for. Tell your partner why you want to use the toy with them. Try to avoid saying negative things about your current sex life, like “I don’t orgasm during sex.” Focus on positive parts of your current sex life, and how adding the toy will make it even better!

If you’re a bit shyer, you can watch a movie or TV show that features sex toys with your partner, and ask your partner their opinion after watching the scene/movie/show. If you want to be discrete about it, don’t pick one that features sex toys as a huge part of the plot (like the movie Hysteria, which is about the invention of the vibrator). The toy should be visible enough to have a discussion about it, though. Also, it’s a good idea to not pick a movie where the toy is being used to murder someone (it happens!). Here’s a video that has some examples of sex toys in movies. (Thanks to Ali for the finding that video!)

You could also watch some porn that features sex toys with your partner, and then discuss. Before you try this, make sure your partner is comfortable with the idea of watching porn together! Many porn sites have a “sex toy” tag or category, so this should be easy to find.

The most important part of talking to your partner, no matter how you do it, is asking your partner what they think. That shows you value their opinion. If they’re totally cool with it, that makes things a lot easier. If they bring up some concerns, time to fix that!

Clear up any misconceptions.
Some people think that a sex toy will replace a partner. Not true! A sex toy merely complements a partner. Using a sex toy by yourself is cool and all, but using it with a partner is even awesomer, because it adds an extra layer of fun. Here’s a link clearing up some more misconceptions. I think #8 is especially important!

Don’t make jokes about a sex toy replacing your partner.
As we’ve already cleared up, a sex toy does NOT replace a partner. Joking that it will may make your partner feel concerned.

If you don’t have a toy yet (or your partner is uncomfortable with the ones you have), pick out a toy together.
This way, your partner will have some input on what toy to get. They’ll be less intimidated if they have a say in which toy they’ll be using. Shopping for a sex toy doesn’t have to involve going to a place with a bunch of creepers jacking off in the corner. For the best experience, try shopping online or at your local sex-positive toy store.

Consider starting with a simple, non-intimidating toy.
If your partner won’t shop for toys with you (which is understandable, since it may involve being exposed to toys they are uncomfortable with), first ask your partner what kind of toy they’d be interested in or what they’d want it to look like, and then look for toys online that meet those specifications and show them some options. If they have no idea, look for a simple toy online and show your partner some options that interest you. That way, they don’t have to be exposed to giant dildos that look like dragons (even though they can be pretty cool). What I mean here by “simple toys” are things like classic vibrators, non-realistic dildos, bullet vibrators, and other things that are less likely to intimidate a first time user.

Consider a toy that augments something your partner is already doing.
The idea of holding a vibrator on you or thrusting a dildo inside of you may intimidate a first time user. In those cases, the toy is the center of the act that is taking place. A toy that is not at the center can make the whole “sex toys are complementing a partner” point even clearer.

If your partner already enjoys fingering you, adding some vibration will just make it cooler! A finger vibe can help with that.

A vibrating cock ring can also make sex extra awesome. Sex is already cool, but add on a vibrating cock ring, and it’ll be even cooler!

For these kinds of toys, bringing it up specifically may help when you first bring up sex toys with your partner. You can say something like “I heard about this thing that you slip on your finger and it vibrates so when you’re fingering someone, it feels extra cool! What do you think?”

Consider a toy both of you can use.
This also makes the “sex toys are complementing a partner” point clearer. It’s a fun way for both of you to explore your bodies! Most sex toys can be used by people of any sex, since everyone has external sensitive parts (clitoris, labia, around the anus, perineum, testicles, penis, etc.) and at least one orifice down there (vagina and/or anus).

Before you buy a toy, make sure it’s made of a good quality material, and that it works well.
Check out CATT’s guide to safe sex toy materials here. And read the reviews on a sex toy before you buy it, to make sure it doesn’t suck. People on Amazon or similar websites often will say something is great just because it brings them to orgasm, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good orgasm. To see good, trustworthy reviews, check out the links in my blogroll, which is on the right side of the page. (I believe Epiphora has the most extensive collection.)

Take this whole process slowly.
Unless they’re totally cool with sex toys, bringing the topic up one day and bringing a dildo into bed the next may be a bit much. Try leaving some gaps in to give your partner some more time to become comfortable. Having sex with them between the time you ask them and when you get/use the toy may also be a good idea. It reinforces the idea that the toy is not a replacement for your partner!

It’s okay to ask your partner multiple times about a certain toy, but make sure you’re not nagging or pressuring them. Don’t ask them every day; leave some space (at least a few weeks) in between requests so they can become more comfortable with the idea. If they say no several times, stop asking and just enjoy sex without the toy. It can sometimes help to ask about it when they are horny, but remember that they can withdraw this consent at any time.

Most importantly, respect your partner’s boundaries.
If you’ve tried to clear up all the misconceptions and they won’t listen, this may be a sign that your partner just won’t listen to you in general! This is definitely not a good sign for a relationship (romantic, platonic OR casual). Even if they’re just a hookup buddy, having someone who will listen to you is important. Otherwise, they may not listen to you in times where it really matters, like when you’re trying to tell them “no.”

If they’ve listened to you but they are still uncomfortable for some reason, there are a few things you can do. Giving them more time may likely help; as your relationship grows, they may become more comfortable with you and with the idea of sexual exploration. Suggesting a less intimidating toy may also help. (Hint: Fleshlights can be rather intimidating.) If your partner is uncomfortable with all sorts of sexual stuff, not just toys, and this is affecting your relationship, you may want to seek professional help, such as a sex therapist.

Story time!
When I first brought up sex toys with my boyfriend, he said he wasn’t comfortable using them, but he’d watch me masturbate with one. One time, when I was masturbating in front of him with one of my vibrators, he asked if he could control it (to which I enthusiastically said yes), and from then on, he was comfortable using vibrators in our sex life. Each time I bought a new sex toy, I would tell him, and ask if he’d like to see it. Sometimes he’d say no to that, but when we were doing sexual stuff together, he’d ask me if I’d like to use the toy in question. I asked once (when we were fully clothed) if he’d be comfortable with me using a vibrator on him. He said not yet; about two months later, when we were naked and I was touching his perineum, I asked if he’d like me to use a vibrator there, and he said yes. He loved it!

I hope you enjoyed this guide and found it helpful! How did you bring up sex toys with your partner? Do you have any other tips for introducing sex toys into a relationship? Let me know in the comments below!

The Redhead Bedhead is having a massive giveaway…

…and it’s ending in less than 5 hours! Go enter now before it’s too late!

This giveaway is to benefit a friend of hers who needs help raising money for his cancer treatment. He’s a cool guy, and donating to his cancer recovery fund will earn you even more entries, so go donate to him!

Did I mention MASSIVE GIVEAWAY OF SEX TOYS? Go enter now!

HedoVibes Round Up #39: Sex toy reviews and giveaways!

Forest onePhoto courtesy of Gritty Woman

Welcome to HedoVibes, a collection of reviews and giveaways that were posted in the past week or so from around the web. This is a collection of adult product reviews & contests from real reviewers. If you want to be included in the next edition start with the guidelines, then use the submission form.

Want to read more reviews? Check out HedoVibes for a list of the latest reviews and stellar reviewers. You can also follow on twitter for the latest round ups. HedoVibes is also accepting photo submissions for each edition.

CONTESTS

DILDOS

VIBRATORS

ANAL TOYS

RINGS & STROKERS

BONDAGE, IMPACT, & FETISH GEAR

LUBES & CONDOMS

LINGERIE & SHOES

VIDEOS

STORAGE

MISCELLANEOUS

hedo150

Sex Ed #5: Beginner’s Guide to Anal Sex

I figured you all would like this kind of post, since most of the search terms that bring people to my site have to do with butt sex (and my most-viewed post is about my first time doing it). This guide is mainly written for the receptive partner (the one whose butt will be fucked), but insertive partners (the one fucking the butt) should read it too.
If you’re curious about my first anal sex experience, you can read about it here.

1. Think about whether you actually want to do it.
Do you actually want to have anal sex? If the answer is no, I suggest reading the rest of this guide first, as it may ease any fears you may have. If you still don’t want to do it, then don’t! Don’t let someone pressure you into doing it if you don’t want to; the point of sex is for everyone involved to have a good time, not just one person. Also, apprehension will cause you to be tense during sex, which will likely cause it to hurt.

If you’re curious about the idea but still not sure, you can try some other anal play, which may help you decide whether or not to have full-on anal sex. Read on for more tips on that.

PS: It doesn’t matter what kind of genitals you have, anal sex can feel really good for all different bodies! It’s not pleasurable for all people, but for many, stimulating the anal nerves feels great. Anal sex can also indirectly stimulate the G-spot, and also can stimulate the prostate.

2. Make sure you’re with a partner you trust.
Just as with vaginal sex, anal sex can cause pain and discomfort. You want to make sure your partner will respond appropriately to any concerns you raise before and during the act. Your partner should slow down, pull out a bit, or stop completely if you are in pain.

3. Talk about safe sex with your partner.
Anal sex is the riskiest sexual activity, due to risk of anal tears. These tears not only hurt like a mofo, but also provide an easy path for bacteria and other evil STI-causing organisms/viruses to get into your bloodstream. So make sure you and your partner get tested for STIs, and even if you’re totally STI-free, use a condom anyway, because it’ll help keep things cleaner, and if a penis is involved, it’ll prevent bacteria from going into the insertive partner’s urethra. You may also want to talk about safe-sex tools for manual and oral stimulation of the anus (gloves and dental dams).

4. Wash up.
Sticking stuff up your butt isn’t like sticking stuff into a pile of shit. Your poop is usually stored in the colon, until it’s time for a bowel movement. The penis or dildo will not be going into the colon; it will go into the rectum, which may have some poop in it if you need to use the bathroom. To prevent messes, go to the bathroom and clean around the anus before playtime. (I usually do this right before foreplay.) Enemas generally aren’t necessary, but if it’d make you more comfortable, you can read about them here.

5. Warm up, and USE PLENTY OF LUBE!
Even if you’ve had anal sex many times before, do not go straight into putting the penis/dildo in your ass! It will likely hurt and you may injury yourself. You need to get aroused (to relax your sphincter muscles in your butt) and prepare your ass to have a large object thrusting inside of it.

First, do what turns you on. Touch each other’s genitals, watch porn, dirty talk, lick each other, whatever makes you aroused. Then, start anal play slowly. If you’re into rimming (orally stimulating the sensitive nerves around the anus), you can do that. Many people start out by inserting a finger into the anus, kind of like fingering a vagina (but more slowly!). MAKE SURE TO USE LOTS OF LUBE! The anus and rectum do not self-lubricate, and are sensitive, so if you do not use enough lube, it is more likely to hurt, and you may tear the anal lining. This will hurt even more, and you might even need to get surgery to fix it. Don’t be afraid to ask for more lube at any time during foreplay or sex. Use a water-based or silicone-based lube; many people (like me) prefer silicone, since it lasts longer and is more slippery, but some people are fine with water-based lube.

After inserting one finger and getting comfortable with that, you can insert more. By the way, you can stick your fingers in your own butt, or your partner can stick their fingers into your butt. It doesn’t matter – it’s just a matter of personal preference.

Sex toys are a great way to warm up. Butt plugs, anal beads, and dildos can all help prepare your butt for anal sex. Just make sure any toys you use have a flared base or another design that keeps them from being sucked into your ass. You can read about that here. Don’t forget lube with these as well! But if you’re using a silicone toy, don’t use silicone lube (it may degrade your toys), unless you’ve spot-tested the lube on the toy already and had no problems.

6. Relax, LUBE UP, and stick in the penis/dildo.
Relaxing is super important to prevent pain, discomfort, and injury. So make sure you are relaxed before the penis or dildo goes in.

When it comes to positions, I usually go with doggie style, but lay my head, forearms, and/or upper chest on the bed (or ground, depending on where we’re fucking), and spread my legs a bit. This way, my anus is naturally opened up a bit, which makes things easier, and makes me more relaxed. It’s also good because I’m kind of lazy and don’t like propping myself up. To read up on more anal sex positions, check this out.

Before you stick in the penis or dildo, put on a condom and PUT LOTS OF LUBE ON IT! Then, slowly insert the tip of the penis or dildo. Do this very slowly, take pauses, and make sure the receptive partner is breathing and relaxing. It may hurt at first. If so, pull out and add more lube. Then you can try again. If it keeps hurting, stop and try again some other time.

After a bit more than the tip is in (maybe about 3 inches), try (slowly) thrusting. The insertive partner can control this, or the receptive partner can, depending on positioning and what you’re comfortable with. As you proceed and everything feels fine and dandy, you can increase the speed and depth of penetration. If it hurts, slow down, pull back a bit, and/or add more lube. Soon you will be fucking away!

Make sure to communicate with your partner about how you are feeling during sex! If it hurts, let them know so they can adjust. If it feels awesome, let them know too!

7. Clean up, and talk with your partner.
Following the afterglow of sex (and in my friend’s* case, listening to “I Just Had Sex” by the Lonely Island after every sexual encounter), it’s time to clean up! Remove the condom, clean off your genitals and ass, and wash your hands and any toys you used. It’s also a good idea to talk with your partner about how you felt during sex, what worked, and what didn’t, so next time will be even better!

Other important stuff:
-Do not stick the penis/dildo into a vagina after it’s been in an ass without cleaning the penis/dildo or changing condoms first! This will introduce bacteria that should not be in a vagina, and may cause infection. (It’s fine to go from vagina to ass, just not ass to vagina.)

-Do not use any sort of desensitizing wipe or cream! Pain is your body’s way of telling you something is wrong. If you take this away, injury is very likely.

-It’s not gay for a dude to stick something in his ass! Many straight dudes think that if a woman licks his anus or sticks her fingers/a toy in his ass, that makes him gay. That’s totally not true. Sexual orientation isn’t about the acts themselves, but about the person you’re doing them with. (For example, if a lesbian enjoys being penetrated with a strap on by her female partner, does that make her straight?) If you were born with a penis, then you have a prostate, and sticking stuff in your ass can stimulate the prostate (which feels really good!).

Thanks for reading, and have fun fucking! Do you like butt sex? What was your first time like? Did I forget any important tips? Any questions? Let me know in the comments below!

*By my friend, I mean me. But I stole the idea from my friend.

REVIEW: Chemistry, Vol. 1

(I realize my first review is supposed to be of the Tantus Ryder, but I can’t find chemistry vol 1my camera charger to take pictures of it! So I’m doing a porn review instead.) 

Chemistry, Vol. 1 is like a reality show, except it’s about 500 times better, since there are naked people and none of them are annoying or catty. The premise is that Tristan Taormino found 7 porn stars and put them in a house (with cameras) for 36 hours. The stars get to decide who they have sex with, what they do in these scenes, and when and where to do these scenes.

Okay, that last part is mostly true. In the behind-the-scenes footage, you see (an extended scene of) Tristan talking with all the performers before they go smush their genitals together. She mentions that they each know, from emails Tristan has sent, who they’re going to have sex with at least once, but where and when aren’t planned. They also have a “sign-up sheet” for sex. This is because there are a limited number of cameras, so if all of them have sex at the same time, someone’s sexy time won’t get filmed.

The movie focuses a lot on the connections and chemistry between the performers (hence the title). In between all the fucking, the performers talk about their experiences in the house, how they feel about the other stars, what they’re turned on by, etc. They also have philosophical rants about the porn industry, and talk about their lives in and out of the industry.

Since spontaneity is part of the premise, I’m not going to give a scene-by-scene rundown, but I’ll talk a little bit about each performer and the sex in general.

Mr. Marcus: He was the only name I recognized before watching this movie. He’s very charming and considerate of his co-stars, and in my opinion, the best looking out of the 3 male stars.

Jack Lawrence: He loves licking pussy. A lot. He talks about it a lot, and he does a lot of it in this movie. He’s not into rough sex (although he’ll compromise a bit to make a girl happy) – he’d rather just cuddle and lick pussy. And suck on his partners’ toes during sex.

Kurt Lockwood: A lot of the other stars expressed concerns about working with him, since apparently he had been difficult to work with in the past, but after the fact, everyone agreed that he is a funny and caring guy who has changed since he first got into the industry.

Marie Luv: Out of all the performers, she seems to have the most chemistry with her partners. Although I think the behavior of all the performers is mostly genuine, I feel like hers is the most authentic.

Taryn Thomas: She’s hot, but in her scene with Kurt, she acts very much like a typical porn star (loud, high-pitched noises and dirty talk). She reminds me a lot of Sasha Grey in this regard. If you want to skip out on her talking about how much of a whore she is, I’d suggest skipping this scene.

Mika Tan: She is super fun, bubbly, and outgoing, and loves all sorts of sexy activities. She’s also very attractive and likes going down on other women.

Dana DeArmond: She seems like a very genuine person. She reveals her insecurities in the “confessionals”, and even says, regarding her scene with Mika and Jack, that it wasn’t great. I consider that refreshing, because she’s actually being honest.

For a porn movie, the sex is very realistic. They actually show the performers using lube – the bottle, squeezing it out, everything! The performers aren’t afraid to make weird noises/faces that real people make during sex. They have real connections with each other and speak up if something is bothering them (for example, while having sex with Mr. Marcus, Dana expresses pain twice, and he adjusts accordingly). The performers themselves are also fairly realistic-looking. Sure, they’re all attractive, but they have not been heavily made up (or shot with bright lighting to hide blemishes), even though the film is in HD. You can see pimples on a few of the performers’ asses during close-ups.

Speaking of close-ups, there are a lot of them. There is also a lot of oral sex. If you don’t like either of those things, you probably won’t like this movie.

chemistry toys

There’s also a LOT of sex toys! I saw Pure Plugs (prototypes, since they were in development at the time of filming), a Fun Wand, a LAYAspot, and a Hitachi Magic Wand. There were other toys too, but I couldn’t identify them (or my shitty DVD player skipped over them). They use strap-ons, vibrators, butt plugs, glass dildos, and anal beads – these toys are used on both men and women, which is refreshing to see! There are two (very hot) scenes that involve pegging, which is rare to see in a porn movie targeted to heterosexuals. Some of the girls use vibrators on their clits during sex, validating female pleasure.

chemistry pegging

There were only a few things I didn’t care for. I didn’t particularly like the scene between Mika, Jack, and Dana; Jack seemed to feel very out of place. I think the sex was too rough for his liking, with Mika taking on a dominant role, and Dana being the submissive. Jack later acknowledges he was feeling out of it, but blames it on him being hungry.

mika dana and jack

Also, if the performers used condoms (which Tristan has not required until recently), I would get to call this “the best example of realistic and safe sex I’ve ever seen in porn.” (The current holder of that title is the free educational porn series Tristan made for Smitten Kitten’s website.) If Tristan makes another volume of Chemistry (there are 4 volumes so far), I’ll probably get to make this statement!

I would have also appreciated some more queerness. There is girl-girl action, but aside from some flirtation and fondling, all of it is in the presence of a man. There is also no action between men. This is something I would’ve liked to see, and I bet many other queers would’ve liked to see it too, but I understand that Tristan was trying to target the large heterosexual market.

The feature film is almost 3 hours long, and there is over one hour of bonus footage, including more sex scenes! There is also a feature called the Positions Room. It includes 5 montages of clips from the movie: “pussy eating”, blow job, missionary, doggie, and cum shot. This is fantastic if you know exactly what kind of sex you want to get off to. Overall, Chemistry, Vol. 1 rocks. It’s super hot, interesting, realistic, sex positive, and female-friendly. I definitely recommend it! You can buy it from Tristan’s website here.

Thank you so much for reading my first review! Have you seen any of the movies in the Chemistry series? What do you think of them? Let me know in the comments below! Also, since this is my first review, I’d love to hear what you think about the review itself. If you have any comments, suggestions, or constructive criticism, please let me know!

Note: No one is paying me to review this. I got the DVD as a “thanks for calling” gift when I called in to Sex Out Loud Radio.

Sex Ed #4: Sex toys + college (or roommates/children/family, or having thin walls)

So before I get to the good stuff, here’s a blog update:
I’ve been gone for a few months. If you’re wondering why, see my last post. I’m kind of getting back in the game now. Just a bit for now, since finals are in a couple weeks. I’m staying on campus doing research this summer, so that’ll be (most likely) a set schedule and hopefully no “homework” or anything like that, so that’ll give me time to blog! Crossing my fingers!
Oh, and I just got a Tantus Goddess Vibrating Dildo, so I’ve updated my toybox page. I would also list the bullet that comes with it, but I’m not going to, because it sucks so bad and I don’t think anyone would get it on its own. Maybe I should list it. Hmmm. I’ll think about it.

Onto the fun stuff!

So, I’m a college student and I like sex toys. I also had a roommate last year. I have my own room this year, but the walls between rooms aren’t very thick. All this seems to add up to a complicated situation. What to do?? I’ve got some answers for you! (This also applies to people in similar situations.)

Q: I’m worried about my roommate/child finding my toys!
A: Good roommates aren’t supposed to rummage through your stuff. But sometimes you don’t have good roommates. And sometimes even well-meaning roommates may innocently open some of your drawers when looking for a stapler or something. (Children, on the other hand, may rummage all the time.) So there’s a few possible solutions:

1. Keep your sex toys in a safe or locked drawer. (Many college dorms provide these, but if you have a large toy collection, it may not fit.) You can also buy a storage system, like a case, that locks.

2. Hide your toys really well. (Beneath some sheets that are behind a bunch of shoe boxes storing your old receipts and tax documents, perhaps?) UPDATE: This is a genius way to do that. Also, Naughty Reenie has some great tips on hiding your toys.

3. Get sex toys that aren’t obviously sex toys. (Here’s SheVibe’s Discreet Vibrators section.) This may not work with children, since they may go OOOHHH PRETTY and start touching it. And accidentally turn it on.

4. Get toys that are small enough to carry with you all the time (like the We Vibe Tango or the Lelo Mia 2).

5. Somehow bring up the topic of sex toys while talking with the person you’re living with. If they seem cool with them, you can mention that you have some! Or you can not mention that part, and if they find them, they’ll just think it’s cool. (You probably won’t want to do this with children.)

Q: I don’t want my roommates/children/neighbors to hear me using my toys!
A: There’s plenty of quiet toys on the market! The (discontinued) We Vibe Salsa is super quiet (as I know from personal experience), and since it’s almost exactly the same thing, the We Vibe Tango is too. You can also try non-vibrating dildos and other things that don’t vibrate, like non-vibrating butt plugs. With those, the only noise you’ll have to worry about is your moaning!
A few other quiet toys: Lelo Mona 2, Minna Limon, Fun Factory Stronic Eins, and for people who are looking for something less expensive, may I recommend my first ever vibrator, the Doc Johnson White Nights Velvet Touch 7″ Vibe.

Q: I can’t get any privacy to use my toys!
A: This is what waterproof vibes are for: shower fun time! All of the toys I have mentioned in this post are waterproof (except some of the vibrators on SheVibe’s Discreet Vibrators page, since I did not look at all of them).

Hope you liked my tips! I have learned all this through experience, so I thought I would share my knowledge with others, so more people can have the sexy time they deserve!

Do you have any more tips for people with roommates/children? What are your favorite waterproof/quiet toys? Let me know in the comments below!